Last night I was visiting teaching and delivering a message on self-reliance to the women I saw. There is a quote from that message from Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. He said:
“It is important to understand that self-reliance is a means to an end. Our ultimate goal is to become like the Savior, and that goal is enhanced by our unselfish service to others. Our ability to serve is increased or diminished by the level of our self-reliance.”
This morning I was thinking of the tragedy in Haiti, and I felt even more the importance of self-reliance. Not so much in the sense that I want to be prepared if such a thing should happen to me or my family, although that is important, but because I want to be able to help ease the burden of those who suffer. Even in just a small way.
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
1/13/10
11/17/09
In serious hopes that today was the beginning of the end.
I may not be good at many things, but I have been doing a fantastic job of teaching my kids to sweat the small stuff. If there were an Olympic event in flipping out, I would have a case in my living room full of gold medals. I am just that good.
This morning, I lost it big time, but I think I learned a lesson from it all.
Cameron and Drew were in the living room being rowdy, as usual, while Andrew finished getting ready for work so that he could take the older boys to school. I came into the room to make sure they had shoes and backpacks on, and found Cameron and Drew atop the mountainous pile of laundry on the loveseat, looking through the clothes for something.
"What are you doing up there??" I exclaimed.
"We're looking for my glasses," came Cameron's reply. "Drew tore them off my face and threw them."
"What is the matter with you!?" was the opening sentence of my hour long rant.
It seems that they were horsing around, Drew went for Cameron's weak spot, the glasses, and chucked them as hard as he could. Ethan informed me that they must have landed somewhere soft, because no one heard them hit anything. Thus the search through the pile of clothes waiting to be folded.
We looked through the entire laundry pile three times, checked under couches, in the fireplace, I checked the window blinds, thinking that they may have gotten hung up there. We checked behind couch cushions, in the armchair, under the armchair...everywhere. I could not think of another place to look, soft or otherwise. I had already yelled at Drew and sent him to his room. I yelled at Cameron for letting Drew do such a thing. I yelled at Cameron again for being so dense as to not have a clue where the glasses landed, and I yelled at myself for not having folded those clothes on the couch days ago. There they were, mocking me and my lack of appropriate time management. We tried to coax out of Drew a clue as to where he might have chucked the specs, but he looked at us like we were crazy and he wasn't giving up anything.
So after the most frustrating forty-five minutes of my life, with no satisfaction, Cameron and Ethan were late for school, Drew had been sent to his room for his own safety, and I had yelled and cursed and cried until I didn't know what to do anymore. I finally told Cameron to keep looking until he found his stupid glasses, and I sat on the couch to try and regain control of my rage and breathing.
Cameron wandered around the living room for about five more minutes and then looks at me with a confused and yet thoughtful expression and says, "Maybe I didn't have my glasses on yet."
I then became aware that a possible side effect of anger is the body's spontaneous attempt to violently expel all internal organs via an explosion somewhere behind the sternum. I think I had to swallow my heart and lungs to get them to go back where they came from.
I took a very, very deep and deliberate breath and walked as calmly as I could into the bathroom, opened a drawer, retrieved Cameron's glasses from their case and walked back to the living room. I closed my eyes and held the glasses out for Cameron, waited until I was sure he was out of my reach and then opened my eyes, thinking that if I couldn't reach him, I wouldn't kill him and would be able to control my irrational temper. I was wrong.
I yelled a lot. I am not in any way proud of it, nor do I think it did any good, but I had completely lost it. Honestly, how does a kid remain convinced for over an hour that his little brother has snatched his glasses and thrown them across the room, when he never had them on his face in the first place?
So in the process of venting all of my frustrations over the matter, I squashed every ounce of self esteem and respect that Cameron might have possessed. And if ever there was a kid who did not need his mother to tear him down several notches, it was Cameron.
When I had finally calmed down and was drained of tears over the ridiculous incident, I didn't want to send my kids to school. I knew that my over-reaction would cause both Cameron and Ethan to have a terrible day and I didn't want to send them into the world while I was still unable to apologize. But I did it anyway because I knew it would be hours before I was calm enough to say the right things to patch where I had wounded.
My day remained a disaster until the boys returned from school and I could apologize for so explosively losing my temper.
I learned two things today. The first thing I learned was that I am a bigger idiot than I accused Cameron of being, (yes, I did, and I can only hope that time will erase that from his memory). Not only because I didn't put two and two together, (Drew claimed he didn't know where the glasses were, no one saw where they went or heard them hit anything, Cameron is a notorious scatterbrain...Hello?? I should have known that the glasses were never part of the equation), but mainly because I belittled my child repeatedly as my frustration and irritation grew, because I couldn't get my emotions under control. Cameron and I will probably both be tormented by the way I treated him for a long time, and I did it over a $40 pair of glasses that I knew full well when we got them would only survive this house for a few months at best.
I also learned that my temper may have seemed like a small pest a few weeks ago when I would occasionally lose my mind over a wrestling match gone too far or a box of cereal scattered all over the floor, but I've been feeding that pest more often than I should have lately, and it has grown into a beast of gargantuan proportions. I am going to have to work so hard to shrink it back to it's rightful size. It won't be easy, but it is long overdue.
So for as long as it takes, I'll be tackling this problem with all kinds of deep breathing exercises, counting to ten or ten million, humming of churchy songs, and trying to find the bright spot in my woes, even if I have to make one up. Wish me luck, cause I'm gonna need it.
This morning, I lost it big time, but I think I learned a lesson from it all.
Cameron and Drew were in the living room being rowdy, as usual, while Andrew finished getting ready for work so that he could take the older boys to school. I came into the room to make sure they had shoes and backpacks on, and found Cameron and Drew atop the mountainous pile of laundry on the loveseat, looking through the clothes for something.
"What are you doing up there??" I exclaimed.
"We're looking for my glasses," came Cameron's reply. "Drew tore them off my face and threw them."
"What is the matter with you!?" was the opening sentence of my hour long rant.
It seems that they were horsing around, Drew went for Cameron's weak spot, the glasses, and chucked them as hard as he could. Ethan informed me that they must have landed somewhere soft, because no one heard them hit anything. Thus the search through the pile of clothes waiting to be folded.
We looked through the entire laundry pile three times, checked under couches, in the fireplace, I checked the window blinds, thinking that they may have gotten hung up there. We checked behind couch cushions, in the armchair, under the armchair...everywhere. I could not think of another place to look, soft or otherwise. I had already yelled at Drew and sent him to his room. I yelled at Cameron for letting Drew do such a thing. I yelled at Cameron again for being so dense as to not have a clue where the glasses landed, and I yelled at myself for not having folded those clothes on the couch days ago. There they were, mocking me and my lack of appropriate time management. We tried to coax out of Drew a clue as to where he might have chucked the specs, but he looked at us like we were crazy and he wasn't giving up anything.
So after the most frustrating forty-five minutes of my life, with no satisfaction, Cameron and Ethan were late for school, Drew had been sent to his room for his own safety, and I had yelled and cursed and cried until I didn't know what to do anymore. I finally told Cameron to keep looking until he found his stupid glasses, and I sat on the couch to try and regain control of my rage and breathing.
Cameron wandered around the living room for about five more minutes and then looks at me with a confused and yet thoughtful expression and says, "Maybe I didn't have my glasses on yet."
I then became aware that a possible side effect of anger is the body's spontaneous attempt to violently expel all internal organs via an explosion somewhere behind the sternum. I think I had to swallow my heart and lungs to get them to go back where they came from.
I took a very, very deep and deliberate breath and walked as calmly as I could into the bathroom, opened a drawer, retrieved Cameron's glasses from their case and walked back to the living room. I closed my eyes and held the glasses out for Cameron, waited until I was sure he was out of my reach and then opened my eyes, thinking that if I couldn't reach him, I wouldn't kill him and would be able to control my irrational temper. I was wrong.
I yelled a lot. I am not in any way proud of it, nor do I think it did any good, but I had completely lost it. Honestly, how does a kid remain convinced for over an hour that his little brother has snatched his glasses and thrown them across the room, when he never had them on his face in the first place?
So in the process of venting all of my frustrations over the matter, I squashed every ounce of self esteem and respect that Cameron might have possessed. And if ever there was a kid who did not need his mother to tear him down several notches, it was Cameron.
When I had finally calmed down and was drained of tears over the ridiculous incident, I didn't want to send my kids to school. I knew that my over-reaction would cause both Cameron and Ethan to have a terrible day and I didn't want to send them into the world while I was still unable to apologize. But I did it anyway because I knew it would be hours before I was calm enough to say the right things to patch where I had wounded.
My day remained a disaster until the boys returned from school and I could apologize for so explosively losing my temper.
I learned two things today. The first thing I learned was that I am a bigger idiot than I accused Cameron of being, (yes, I did, and I can only hope that time will erase that from his memory). Not only because I didn't put two and two together, (Drew claimed he didn't know where the glasses were, no one saw where they went or heard them hit anything, Cameron is a notorious scatterbrain...Hello?? I should have known that the glasses were never part of the equation), but mainly because I belittled my child repeatedly as my frustration and irritation grew, because I couldn't get my emotions under control. Cameron and I will probably both be tormented by the way I treated him for a long time, and I did it over a $40 pair of glasses that I knew full well when we got them would only survive this house for a few months at best.
I also learned that my temper may have seemed like a small pest a few weeks ago when I would occasionally lose my mind over a wrestling match gone too far or a box of cereal scattered all over the floor, but I've been feeding that pest more often than I should have lately, and it has grown into a beast of gargantuan proportions. I am going to have to work so hard to shrink it back to it's rightful size. It won't be easy, but it is long overdue.
So for as long as it takes, I'll be tackling this problem with all kinds of deep breathing exercises, counting to ten or ten million, humming of churchy songs, and trying to find the bright spot in my woes, even if I have to make one up. Wish me luck, cause I'm gonna need it.
7/9/09
It's All Gone Under the Bridge
A few weeks back I talked about this, and I think that I can now say that I am over it. I harbor no more ill feelings. I wondered for a long time if I simply over-reacted, but I don't think I did. At any rate, time heals all wounds, (although I'm sure it isn't "time" that's actually doing the healing here), and I am glad for it, because I hated how I felt about the whole thing and now I just feel serene with it all. I think we are now in a position that if it were to happen again, it wouldn't affect us quite as drastically, and we'll be able to shrug it off with a laugh. Okay, maybe not a laugh, but definitely with an attitude of "here we go again" instead of "what in the bloody **** is going on here??" followed by more cursing and unbridled anger. We're good!
7/5/09
Happy Birthday America!
When your weekend starts out with souvlaki with rice and a pita at Greek Souvlaki, it can't possibly turn bad. YUM!
All the fam plus one awesome Grandpa went to Greek Souvlaki for dinner on Friday night before heading over to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house.
The temple was beautiful, as they all are. We were a little disappointed in the lack of reverence from the people around us. It almost didn't feel like being in a temple at all. Everyone talking in regular voices, kids running around unsupervised and climbing on the furniture, touching all the walls... But outside looking in was pretty spectacular.
Then on Sturday, we headed over to the Layton City 4th of July Parade. I have to say that it was a huge disapointment, aside from the excellent specimens of Utah Hair that I was able to capture. It is a dying art, (thankfully), but once in a while, it is a real treat to get to see a reminder of the good ol' days. Unfortunately, my camera batteries died literally as I tried to focus on the bunch of ladies riding the float for the Salon on Main... It was tragic timing, as I was anxious to document the phenomenon in it's finest before they are all extinct. But, these examples will have to do. We call this one "the skunk":
And this one doesn't have a name, but I think it spawns from the need to look like you have it all together at all times. A simple ponytail would just be shameful, so we have to dress it up with poof, a headband, and some dramatic bangs. I'm not really sure how you get that "swollen head" effect in the back? The whole thing just makes me wonder "why??" But I enjoy seeing it, nevertheless.
After lunch at Red Robin, then some down time, followed by a barbecue in our backyard, we headed three blocks from my house to see the Kaysville City fireworks. So convenient to be able to walk and not have to mess with parking and traffic. Here's Dad waiting for the show to start. He was thrilled!
Matt and Kellie are always thrilled though! Especially when you have ice pops made by mom with real strawberries and pinneapple. The whole day was filled with yummy stuff!
Ethan chilled with Boomer while we waited for dark. Ethan has grown up so much. Such a shame.
Mom and Drew playing frisbee and trying not to hit stuffy old lady in the head with the frisbee for the 10th time. (They didn't really, but the lady seemed to think that 'hitting' her consisted of the frisbee coming within five feet of her. Good times!)
Trent slept until dark, then he loved up the fireworks show. He was dancing like a crazy person in my arms! It was all I could do to hold on to him.
Wha-hoo the show! Always impressed with how expertly the fireworks are choreographed with the music. At one point they lost sound, had to start the song over, but when they started up the fireworks again, they hadn't missed a beat and everything was right on cue. Someone has a very cool job.
After the show, we walked back here to our house and the tiny guys crashed on Papa.
All in all, it was a great weekend. And it's not done yet! Andrew has Mondays off, so we get to do yard work tomorrow! So excited. On a closing note...does anyone see anything very, very wrong with this flag? Andrew sure did. :) Hope you all had a happy weekend!
6/23/09
"In a pickle"...is that because pickles stink?
I am in a bit of an emotional and spiritual pickle. I've never truly had a problem with forgiveness until recently. I know that we are required to forgive all men, but it seems extra difficult when someone has offended you, well, not really offended. When someone has done something wrong by you that effected your whole family, and that person either does not feel that they have done anything wrong or will not admit that they know they have done something wrong, the whole forgiveness issue becomes even more difficult to swallow. What I struggle with most is that I'm sure that because the person does not feel that any wrong doing has occurred, the incident will be repeated. And for some icing on top, it was a family member that did it. It therefore makes the incident even more offensive and it becomes all the more important that I figure out how to not harbor ill feelings for this individual(s). And that is where I am. I am sure that the only way I will be able to get past this and feel at peace is to pray for help. But I haven't yet because I am afraid I will continually be required to forgive the same thing. And yet, if I don't forgive, then I become the one at fault. In that frame of mind, does it become sinful to only forgive so that you aren't as bad as your offender? Yes, a big pickle.
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