The new view from my kitchen window

Bryan, my nephew, has issues with his bowels. He is just over a year old and has never quite learned to consolidate his poop into one dirty diaper a day. He delights us all with his digestive efforts thrice a day, on average.

There was one day when he pooped 6 times, and my sister got here just in time to pick him up, because I was about 4 seconds from tying him in a plastic bag and putting him out at the curb.

So today, I congratulated him twice - once when I changed his diaper at 9:00 and again at 12:00, and found NO POOP! I was pretty ecstatic. But I paid for it later because he had apparently decided to save all of his normal BM shows for just the 3 o'clock curtain call. It was the kind of poop that clears a room and everyone shouts from the kitchen, "What did that kid eat?!", as their eyes water and they choke down the acidic remains of their lunch. It was so bad that I had a tough time mustering up the courage to actually release the tabs of his Huggies and unveil the dreaded contents. The entire house stunk by the time I decided that it could be put off no longer. Every time he moved someone would groan and pull their entire face inside their shirt.

When it came right down to it, it wasn't so bad. I was thankful for the clothespin I had on hand. And the kid really doesn't chew his vegetables very well. Andrew decided to be chivalrous and take the diaper right out to the trash can for me, so I bagged it with the kitchen trash and sent him outside.

And then, friends, I went to the kitchen sink to wash my hands, and I looked out the window, where my Garbage-Toting Knight was standing in the backyard, grinning at me and forming a giant, powdery snowball.

I thought, surely he wouldn't do that. There's no way he would be thick enough to throw a snowball at the flimsy glass window that's been in the frame since 1960?

He cocked his arm back, and with the inevitable catastrophe staring me in the face, I slowly smiled and watched the look on my dear husband's face as he broke the kitchen window.

He stood there in the yard wearing the most horrified look I have ever seen on him. It was the funniest thing I'd seen all day. And that includes Drew staring at some Christmas ornaments while walking through Wal-Mart with me and running smack into a display of candles.

It's unfortunate, my sweetheart's perfect aim and his lack of appreciation for his own strength, but I am easily able to laugh at the whole situation on account of there being two panes on the kitchen window and the extra hours Andrew's been working this weekend. Mostly I'm just glad it wasn't my fault.