The longest story in the world with no climax or point.

Friday was the first chance I got to check out the new Winco Foods in West Valley City. I have missed Winco from the minute we crossed the border into Utah with our moving van almost three years ago. In anticipation of my voyage to Food Paradise, I spent Thursday afternoon planning my two-week shopping list and trying to remember the general layout of the average Winco so that I could organize my list by aisle. I was pretty excited. And also dreading it, because the only time slot that I could squeeze my shopping into on Friday was at 10:30 a.m., which meant I had to bring Drew, Trent and Bryan with me. I thought about going by myself late at night, but West Valley is the murder capital of Utah, people. It's the home of the Samoan Mafia. I had to pick Andrew up from work at noon anyhow, and this Wonderland of Groceries is only about five miles from his office, so it didn't make sense to make another trip down later. I thought about keeping Cameron and Ethan out of school to help me, but fear of a solo supermarket trip is a poor reason to let the kids skip school, and they'd already missed Monday. And there was no hope of waiting another day to do the shopping, because we were down to our last Twinkie and if we didn't resupply posthaste then bloody brawls would ensue.

So I threw the kids in the car, (almost literally-we were on a really tight schedule), at 10:00 on Friday, and sped off towards Salt Lake City. Thanks to Mapquest, I got off on the wrong exit in West Valley. Right then I was so glad that I hadn't gone at night, because I would have been lost in Polynesian Gang territory, and in case you're from another planet and are unaware, those dudes are huge, and with all the facial tattoos and the enormous biceps, just a tad intimidating. Thank Heaven for the Utah grid system, because in spite of being directed off the wrong exit, I was able to find the right streets with no problem.

I saw Winco in the distance before I had even officially arrived, and it felt like going home. I am pathetic, no need to point it out.

Parked the car, grabbed a cart and put the one-year-olds in. Drew opted to walk alongside me, and I was nervous about that. How long until he runs off and I'm chasing him with a cart full of produce and chubby-cheeked babies? But he stuck right with me, and we entered the store and got another cart. I was there to do some serious shopping, and one cart that was half-filled with humans wouldn't cut it. So I pushed the kid cart with one hand and pulled the food cart behind me. First thing I saw when we walked in was a box of Cheese Nips for 98 cents. Heck, yeah! (Just cause it's the murder capital of Utah doesn't mean we start saying the real swear words, ya know.) Nalley Chili for 68 cents a can? Okay! Pears for 68 cents a pound? Hallelujah! Pre-washed bags of leafy greens for less than three dollars? Seriously in love now. Ah, and the whole frozen turkey for 40 cents a pound! I'll take two.

So an hour and a half later I was sweaty from head to hips, (toes remained dry), from pushing 7,000 pounds of amazingly priced groceries and averagely priced diapers all over the six-square mile store. (That right there is the only part of this story that is exaggeration. Except I really was sweaty.) I perfected the art of turning the front cart while pulling the rear; it involved a lot of starting and stopping, because that kind of thing can't be done in one fluid motion without running over yourself. It was similar to a 3 point turn-around. And unlike Utah-folk behind the wheel of automobiles, the Utah-folk steering carts all around me were very courteous and patient with me and my train of food and toddlers. All three kids were perfect angels.

I left the store completely thrilled that I hadn't needed to hand over my firstborn to pay for the goods. But I will never, ever do that again without help. I was exhausted, and it took at least twice as long as it should have. Two weeks from now I'll be picking Andrew up from work and making him push one of the carts through the glorious Winco Foods. And he's excited about it. Truly. No, really.