My Day

6:35: Wake with forceful and horrific realization that I left a "Santa Claus gift" in plain sight in the living room. Jump out of bed to hide it before anyone wakes up and finds it.

8:30: Send kids to school and begin cheerful cleansing of the house.

11:00: All cheerfulness ends when Cameron calls from school saying that he feels like he is going to throw up. Wake up two babies from their naps, load three kids into the wagon, because we are a one (functioning) car family and Andrew has it at work. Drag three fat butts up the forever long hill to retrieve Cameron.

11:20: Arrive at the school to find a very normal looking Cameron. He's not sick at all. Took him home anyway to punish him for making me walk up the forever long hill, dragging the fatties behind me.

1:10: Load fat toddlers in wagon again to collect Ethan from school. Can't let him walk home alone, after all. Stupid, stinking, forever long hill and fat babies!!

2:00: Force naps upon all 2 year olds, 1 year olds, and anyone who faked sick.

3:00: Find that the reason Drew woke up grumpy and screaming is because Cameron opened the window in their bedroom ALL THE WAY, letting in the frigid air that caused Drew's most unpleasant and very loud wakening. His screaming wakes up the babies an hour before schedule. Kill, kill, kill.

3:15: Take call from extraordinarily rude school secretary telling me that I am holding up her report to the district office because I have still not brought in proof of Cameron's Hepatitis A vaccines, and that failure to do so immediately will cause her to curse me with hellfire and damnation, she will lose her job, alert social services to my atrocious parenting, she'll have to hire a hit man to hunt me down and kill me, etc... Oh yeah, and Cameron is going to be kicked out of school if I don't get it to her yesterday.

3:17: Call pediatrician to request a copy of Cameron's immunization record be faxed to the school.

3:18: Find that Cameron is missing one of his two doses of said vaccine. Urg. Make appointment to have him loaded up on the Hep A shot at 7 PM, and figure that it serves him right for faking sick. Again.

3:20: Tell Cameron that he has to go have a shot in a few hours. Cameron lets out a whoop! because he loves getting shots. Right. Forgot that the kid is a freak of nature and enjoys physical pain. Make mental note to discuss the dangers of drugs and needles, etc, etc...

4:30: Attempt to put house back together from afternoon of toddler destruction.

5:00: Prepare to shower. Three and a half hours after last of the trips up the forever long hill to the school pulling fat babies. Serious stink.

5:05: Internet goes down again, and it can't wait to be fixed because lady who lives downstairs takes online classes and is always in the middle of a bugger of a test.

5:10: Call Qwest. Spend 45 minutes trying to work out internet issues. Down one kid, the other four are attempting to dismember each other, 6 inches from my ear. Yell at them while covering the mouthpiece of the phone as best I can.

6:00: Finally re-enter bathroom to shower, only to find that attempted dismemberment has resulted in a bloody nose, which someone tried to control while bleeding into the bathroom sink that has remained clogged for a week because no one can remember to buy Draino.

6:10: Finish cleaning up blood and take shower while Trent cries/screams like a maniac right outside the door.

6:40: Rush out the door to the doctor's office while Andrew mourns over possibly not being able to go to the gym for the second night in a row. Poor, poor baby.

And now I am going to try to forget all this junk, remember that I've had way worse days, and go take a hot bath with the book that is taking me forever to finish. Stinking tiny print....