Today was one of those days where I found myself grateful that I have forgotten how to load our shotgun, because my legs are definitely long enough that I could pull the trigger with my toe.
I can't really say exactly what made the experience of being alive so unbearable today. I'm sure it was a lot of things. Like nasty people on the phone. Or maybe it was my husband thinking I would never take him seriously if he sent me an e-mail saying that he got fired. Or maybe it's that I haven't been to bed before midnight in forever. Gathering all of the scraps of my intelligence together though, I would deduce that it was all of these things, plus a few more, laced with a hefty dose of PMS. That's right - I'm pulling the hormone card.
But let me ask you... If your living room looked like this:
...would you have even a shot at a peaceful day? Nope. Cause that is what we call a "giant, friggin' sanity-robbing mess". See all the crud under the couch there? Yup. That's my favorite part. I was actually looking forward to working my tail off during the kids' nap time today, and I ended up being robbed of that pleasure by a man named Jeff. When I was done speaking to Jeff on the phone, I took a few moments to silently wish for his premature death and then used Google to look up "how to make a voodoo doll". By then, nap time was over and I got to change three poopy diapers. The kind that require use of a clothespin, half a bottle of Fabreeze and two scented candles.
I won't go into the rest of the gory details of my day, but I will tell you how I'm going to try to fix it. I'm going to put the kids to bed in exactly twenty minutes, (after I change one more dirty diaper), and then I am going to give this house a lick and a promise, (as my Grandma Kay would say), and settle in to watch The Office and Flashforward while I fold clothes and eat cookies and cream ice cream. Too bad Andrew is working, cause I'm sure he'd like a Norman-size bowl of that ice cream.
P.S. I haven't showered yet today.
6 comments:
3 diapers at once? Seriously?! Yeah, I'm pretty sure Drew has taught the other 2 his little secret language, and they were all in there planning that together while you thought they were asleep.
k. That was awful about the shotgun...
...and I though t I smelled something rank up here. :)
Your mother has 2 things to say (in that tone you know very well!):
1. You EVER talk like that again about a shotgun and I will kill you for you!
2. Next girls night: How to make voodoo dolls. I have a list.
That's all. Love ya!!
Oh - And I changed a poopy diaper tonight! Are you proud of me? :)
Note to self: Don't joke about toe-triggering a shotgun.
Got it.
It is refreshing to know that other mom's have crazy lives just like me. Those diaper changing days will soon be a distant memory. I would make a count down chart. : )
Yeah, I've had one of those weeks.... the weekend is almost here though!
absolutly no shotgun jokes....made my heart skip a beat.
And all you need is a sisters attack to get your house in shape. That is what the 3 of us do. We did that to HOllys shed last week. Organized something that was beyond her ability to do alone. Makes everyone happy. We rotate houses so everyone gets a turn.
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